moi bRainwavE~

uish.

ini tidak boleh jadi.

pesal guna broadband yg paling pronto po0wn lembab-ush nak mampush-ki?

ah takpa lah.

anyways…todays topic is on addiction.

personally, i must come clear lah, i have an addiction.

YES>I>DO>

i think, sumaorg mesti ada addiction kan?

from a minor teeny weeny addiction such as kopiko addiction (ada ke?) to the super woper bad noti noti addiction (drugs lah. apa lagi?).

as for me, i have an addiction for new things, put to simple words, i lurrvee shopping! hehe

since i was like, ten, kasi saja duit, guarantee hilang.

but i always thought of it as something that is necessary. the stuff that i buy. at that moment lah.

you know the feeling of “god! i need that thing so much, and since kat tangan ni i have enough money, so why don’t i buy it lah?”. JOM BELI!! LOL.

and then later, probably walaupun i dont regret buying it, i would feel some kind of unsatisfied feeling. okay, mungkin bukan unsatisfied, sebab barang yg beli tu mesti ada a degree of kepuasan, tapi (dot dot dot). girls especially, i think you know what i mean!

LIST OF THINGS THAT I WANT TO BUY…TAPI TAKDOK PITIH!:

1) Guess bag yg tali dia panjang, kaler dia campur2, pink, hijau, putih! waaahhh, lawa lawa lawa sgt! my beg dah hancurrr…

2) sunglasses. you know everytime i lalu kedai2 kat CS tu, i get so geram. coz they always showcase these beautiful sunnies! especially Gucci! yg ada bentuk rotan kat tepi glasses tuuuuuuuuuuu. fuyo fuyo! lawa!

3) kasut. hey, name me one girl yg takda addiction towards kasut? cecube gitau. ada ke? suma org suka kasut! the latest craze, obviously, wedge. the problem is, who in their right mind, would wear wedges kat MERBOK? crazy fashionable people saja. which does not include me! LOL.

4) PHONE!! i was looking for this phone. sidekick. tapi malangnya kat Malaysia ni tak jual sidekick! yaaaa…boring nye. i saw that phone nearly 3 years ago in UK, and still tak sampai2 lagi kat sini! why why why??? then, masa jenjalan kat LG haritu, jumpa lah benda alah ni yg agak close to sidekick. tapi, bila i tanya, ada kaler pink tak, dia kata takdok. why why why??? takdok pulak… terpaksa lah i settle for lg icecream yg gedabak nak mampush-ki ni. ahahaha. takpa lah.

5) books. to be exact novels. actually, bukan takdok pitih nak beli novels, tapi takdok masa nak baca novels. betul apa Pooja kata, “dah masuk sem 3 ni baru rasa mcm duk kat uni”.first sem, honeymoon. second sem, extended honeymoon. third sem, all the honey madu gone already lah. aisey man!

despite all that, how do i control my addiction?

fortunately, nowadays, my addiction AGAK berkurangan lah skit. in a way it has improved lah skit. huhuhu.

di sebabkan oleh seseorg. let us call this dude “pakcik siam”.

pakcik siam has helped me alot in managing my money! g0odness, thank god!

to those yg ada addiction, to anything, please lah, cari your personal pakcik siam that would guarantee to help you all the way!

LOL.

i feel like im doing an ad!

g0odluck n g0od day!

assalamualaikum.

kehkehkheh…macam lah org nak tau apa i buat during this month kan??

tapiii…i write blogs for myself…bukan sbb org len…kalau org lain nak baca, baca lah. kalau taknak baca, tak payah lah kan?

(apa awak sebok?)

when was the last time i visited and updated this page?

(pls refer to the last blog)

agak lama lah jugak.

duduk kat uni ni takda masa nak online since…

1) i dont own a laptop—

well…i do, tapi my brother yang dekat malinja dah pow, so im left with nothing. and skarang i heard system dh crash…meaning…laptop tuh dah useless. aiseymannn—

2) i dont like going to the CC to surf the net—

sebab to me, paying 2 ringgit to go online for an hour is blo0dy expensive. dont call me kemut in the name of technology, tapi memang mahal ko0t!!

3) i hate the library—

coz ada ramai sgt org yg i would like to AVOID kt sana! kukukukukukuku

(**i have 252 new mail messages**—tthe stupid thing that reminds you about your yahoo inbox messages kept on popping up—annoying lah!)

0owh alamak, dah lari topic.

yes, what are the activities that i have done during this whole month:

makan 3 x sehari x sebulan— ni perkara wajib dilakukan utk mengelak kan diri daripada menjadi anorexic mahupun bulimic (hahahahahhahahahhahahhaha).

tidur amounting to 200 hours— umak aih…macam berhibernasi pulak! (saya spesis bear asia-barat)

organize dinner— some say it was *shoit*, some say it was so-so, some say it was good… To me, my team and i have done our best. i have done my best, my best may not BE the best to others, but i have tried the bestest of the bestest that i could within the short time frame that i have been given (make sense ke ayat tuh?). kalau org nak cakap…cakap lah…mulut org tak boleh ditutup. jadi silakan lah pada mereka yg ingin mengutuk, i tak kisah, because im going to take it as kutukan membina. terima kasih daun keladi.

outing banyak kali— dgn nad and ika (patah belakang). dgn azlin (patah kaki). dgn po0ja, lin, chah (nak satay, tapi takda satay…senguuutttttttttttttttttttttttt).

HAVE YOU EVER WALKED ON CLOUDS…

YEAH, IM DOING IT NOW…

BUDAK MUKA MACAM HAMSTER, I LOVE YOU!!

salam sejahtera buat semua.

0owh yeah.

hari ni hari yang i will remember forever.

hari ni my mothers batu nisan dah siap.

s0o pretty. such beautiful black stone. with gold writing.

"AL FATIHAH.

Allahyarhammah ZALINA BINTI ZAINAL ABIDIN.

Dilahirkan pada 23 OGOS 1964.

Kembali ke rahmatullah pada 29 Rejab 1428 Hijrah bersamaan dengan

13 OGOS 2007. Amin."

nak mencarinya bukan senang.

seminggu tu sampai 5 kedai jual batu nisan ayah and i pergi.

i tell you, bila kita mencari sesuatu, rasanya teramatlah susah.

berpusing pusing sana sini mencari kedai.

last last ayah jumpa kedai kat rawang.

itulah orang kata kena bersabar.

alhamdulillah.

sempat jugak naik batu untuk ibu sebelum raya.

yaay theres a reason to smile =)

ps: kalau sesiapa happen to lalu tanah perkuburan orang Islam kat bulatan Jalan Kuching tuh, jangan lah lupa sedekahkan Al fatihah kat my ibu dan semua ahli kubur di sana yea.

wasalam.

assalamualaikum para peminat ku semua!

kuikuikui. tgh perasan lah nih. sorry lah, lama benar i tak tulis blog kat friendZter nih. tiba tiba rindu pulak.

sebelum i ramble on, nih nak ucapkan Happy Ramadhan El Mubarak to all Muslims yang berpuasa (yg berpuasa saja ta0o. kalau tak puasa pergi main jauh jauh! i remember masa high sch0ol dulu, i caught my classmate, Osman nama dia, hensem SUNGGUH budak tuh, caught him eating burger dgn mat salleh mat salleh nih during Ramadhan!! kurengg sungguh!! tak terbeliak mata org bila nampak dia sedap2 makan!! bila ditanya, dia kata pagi tuh dia sakit tekak. kononnya lah. KONON. alasan alasan).

hari nih the 17th. 3rd day puasa Ramadhan. first time puasa without my mummy. my perasaan? okay (pada luarannya sahaja lah). perasaan my family? sedih, tapi tak sorang pun mentioned about it. i guess i dah accept everything, yang bila my ibu meniggal, everything will be different. i dah accept yg she wont be there for birthdays, special occasions, weddings, holidays…everything.

she passed away peacefully on the 13th of August. hari isnin. 10 days before her 43rd birthday. itulah birthday yg pertama she’s not there with us; her own birthday. we went to visit ibu dekat kubur. sedekah Yasiin. i like that place. its so peaceful. my ibu’s grave is directly under a cherry tree. she loves cherry. she loves cherry. (lagu Dafi is on air: bila terasa rindu~ ku sebut nama mu~ dengan harapan kau kan muncul dalam tidur~). ibu, i seriously miss you.

thank you kepada semua yg mengucapkan takziah. thank you to all yg send their condolences. terima kasih kepada semua yg mendoakan my mother. thank you for all the well wishes. thank you for everything.

when asked "what happened to your mummy, Aman?" he would reply:

"mummys stomach hurt…(ya memang. they had to cut like the whole length of her belly, from top to bottom. dari atas sampai la ke bawah. jadi you could see this long stitch mark)…mummy got cancel!" (note: he said CANCEL not CANCER!! huhu~).

oh and ada sekali tuh i overheard him saying to my dad:

"ayah. in Malaysia mummy always in bed. thats why i dont like Malaysia~"

oh, also, hari itu ibu ada cerita. masa diaorg mula mula sampai sini ibu brought him along to the bank. and there was this boy his age playing alone. so ibu cakap "aman go and play with that boy" and you know what he said??:

"thats not my friend. ive got lots of friends in London!!" (obviously, thinking that he’ll be going back s0on!!huahua FAT CHANCE!!).

NB: Aman is NOT cute anymore. dia NAUGHTY sangat sangat!! tiap tiap hari ada je hal nya.

oh oh oh. sebelum pergi nak tell you another story. kitaorg nih duduk dalam camp askar. s0o kiri kanan banyak hutan. and these hutan banyak monyet/beruk tau! taip taip petang berbondong bondong (berkawan kawan?) monyet turun ke kawasan perumahan lo0king for f0od. and they will do ANYTHING to get what they want. sampai ada yang pecah masuk po0n ada! beruk penyamun!! huahuahua~

s0o satu petang tuh. me and my 4 year old brother, Aman, pi la main basikal kat luar tuh. kitaorg lalu our house and i straight away perasan ada sampah berterabur kat belakang rumah. and there was this beruk in the middle of the mess!! apa lagi, i raced back, threw the door open and lari ke belakang towards the kitchen, all along Aman was attached to my trousers (dia ni penakut. cita cita nak jadi power rangers. tapi penakut gila!). terkeZzut nak mampusHH bila i saw there was a beruk on our kitchen table (lemme say this again: BLOODY SCARY HAIRY BERUK ON OUR KITCHEN TABLE!!).apa lagi, org jerit la gila gila!! huahuahua.

"MONKEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!"

some might think i was calling for my long lost friend from the far far away land but quite frankly i was fuuPin scared! 0oi, monkeys are NOT cute okay! lagi po0n masa tuh everyone else tak ada kat rumah. it was just me, Aman and Kakak Yati (who was in the toilet! w0ow super helpfulllll-NOT!). the hairy thieves ran away with a nice ripe mango (aWwW~~) and a tub of peanut butter (thank GOD the monkeys tak ambik my Gobbers peanut butter and jelly spread~OR ELSE).

s0o. bila my dad balik, Aman dgn penuh animasi nya po0n bagi tao la diaorg what happened–with few modified scenes(!!). apparently HE was the hero in the story! ek eleeee~ biar saja la. 5 minutes of fame. pastu masa tengah sebo0k sebo0k cerita tuh, ayah perasan yg diaorg (yakni monyet tuh) dah berkampung kat atas bumbung kitaorg!! ya allah, beribuuuuuu~. okay maybe not THAT banyak. but you get the point!

ayah and abang and Amar (my younger brother) started to throw stones at them. i refused to participate in this barbaric act (i told them to stop–macam apa jeeee baling baling batu kat beruk!!lelaki, bukannya diaorg nak dengar cakap kita!!).

alla aman sebokkkkkkkkkkkkkk nih. kita sambung nanti laa. iskk ala!!

anyonghaseyo!

hello0w mello0w everybody. sorry, last time punya story time tak complete lo0r. sbb masa mencHemburui diri.

fortunately, skarang nih my house dah ada internet connection (w0opedid0o~) after 3 long months of waiting (welcome to malaysia!!)

ahh apa nak cakap tadi?? dah lupa plak. 0oh iya. my mums condition.  early march she was admitted into hukm (again) for dvt (blood clot on her left leg). duduk seminggu pastu keluar sebab she cannot stand terbaring kat wad oncology je. every week after that, dua kali seminggu kita org ulang alik hukm. thank GOD that hospital is like only 10 minutes away!!

0owh wait. have i told you bout the chemo port?? blo0m yer??. ya okay, bulan 2 hari tuh my mum was admitted sebab doctor nak masukkan chemo port kat lengan dia. chemo port is this little cap like thing which is imbedded into the skin of the patient yg nak go thru chemo la. attached to the chemo port is this 30 or so cm long tube inserted via the veins which then leads to her main arteries. basically tiap tiap kali nak buat chemo (once in 2 weeks), all they have to do is just hook this HUGE needle(lemme tell you, IT IS HUGE!) into my mums chemo port. lepas tuh masukkan drugs tu dari needle tu lar, and it goes straight to the arteries and thru to her whole body. tak payah lar diaorg susah susah cari veins dekat tangan ni.

tapi ada masa tuh kitaorg perasan some people tak ada chemo port. when we asked the nurses diaorg kata some people just couldnt afford it (that made me cry~) and some people memang tak nak buat coz of the risk that they have to got thru. yang sedih lagi, org yg takda chemo port obviously kena masuk ikut atas telapak tangan ni. jadi seluruh tangan yg dilalui ubat tu tukar jadi hitam. this is obvious sebab chemo kills everything! jadi cell cell kulit yg terkena chemo drugs tu po0n mati, hence the blue blackness of the skin.

ibu completed her 4th chemo last week. and alhamdulilah shes doing ok. infact better than her previous chemo. masa mula mula dulu, she was in s0o much pain. i remember my dad hardly sleeps at night sbb ibu malam malam sakit.  tapi sakitnya bukan macam lenguh lenguh, boleh dipicit. sakit ibu, sakit kat dalam. jadi kitaorg slalu buntu macam mana nak tolong her ease her pain. painkiller is the only thing that could help her. itu pun sometimes tak jalan. all WE could do is give her moral support. if she doesnt sleep, we dont.

tapi like i said, people who knows her please dont worry. skarang shes better. shes ok sampai hari tuh sempat naik tangga dan pantau bilik bilik kitaorg yg berterabur toge (this is a slang from perak) macam tongkang pecah tuh!! huahuahua. KANTOii!!

alamak. my little borther dah sampai la. nak main tellytubbies katanya. talk to you later la people!! stay tuned~~

byebye.

assalamualaiko0m!!

hello0. assalamualaiko0m. salam sejahtera kepada semua umat manusia. aishhh~ when was the last time i visited this site?? AGES AGO. since balik malaysia hari tuh. nearly a month ago. mesti ramai dah wonder kemana gerangannya atiQa ni, dulu-dulu tiap-tiap hari tulis blog. sebenarnya i have a long winded story to tell you. and this story is about me.

part 1____

LONG WAIT.

cerita nih starts around november. before ayah and the whole family left for kl, ayah bo0ked me a plane ticket to malaysia. gembiranya tak terkata coz the last time i went back home was like 3/4 years ago. every day i lo0ked forward to going back and seeing my family and eating malaysia food and sitting down chatting about stuff with my cousins. sampai lar a week before departure, i received a phone call from my mum. she sounded ill, and so i asked her whether she was ok. SHE WASNT. according to ayah, ibu had tumor. and shes undergoing a minor operation the next day. i was…speechless. i tried to hide my trembling voice, but i guess it was s0o obvious. s0o blo0dy obvious. i cried that night. i thought, god damn it, i really wanted to go back there and then. i flet like giving my mum a big bear suffocating hug. but i had to wait til saturday.

PLANE RIDE.

i sat next to this lovely lady. she was s0o nice. travelling alone wasnt that bad after all. i told her about my mum, about the operation. before she left she hoped my mum would get well soon and she’ll pray for her health. i thanked her and we went our separate ways. i was escorted to this waiting area; the person who sent me to the airport requested that i get escorted out by the airport personnel coz i didnt know the way around klia (huahuahua~ maluu). thank god, this time they didnt put me on a buggy with an old australian dude (GOD~ that WAS embarassing).

MY FIRST DAY IN MALAYSIA. VIVE LA MALASIE.

acu and opah and uncle abu picked me up at the airport. haiy0o. s0o hot hot one. apparently, that was what my little brother said to everyone about malaysia (sheesh~ that boy!!). before going to the hospital to visit my mum, we stopped over at my new house in sungai besi (CAMP sungai besi). my wheelchair bound grandpa cried as s0on as he saw me. im glad he still recognize me. thanks be to god. but it pained me to see him so ill. he couldnt speak. he couldnt walk. hes half paralysed. in my mind i made a mental note, i’ll sit and talk to him once i come back from the hospital. just like old days.

NOT YOUR ORDINARY HOSPITAL VISIT.

in the car with abang amir, acu and uncle abu. abang said something about ‘cancer’ and acu snapped. i wasnt really paying much attention, so i thought abang must have mistakenly said it. he must have mistakenly said that. HE MUST HAVE MISTAKENLY SAID THAT. owh how i wished it was just a mistake.

came through the big hospital doors, my heart was beating really fast. somehow, that hospital scares me. saw lots of familiar faces at the lounge area, pak cu, pak uda, pak lang, funny how everyone lo0ked so0…s0o tired and mighty-ly sad as well as relief? why the sad face? i thought mum said shes doing well. they should be smiling.

went into this big ro0m, pushed back this very heavy long curtain and there i saw my mum lying weak on a hospital bed. i remember thinking,

(sat sat to be continued…i have to write a letter to my university…kejap yer).

part 2___

okay okay..where was i?? yeah hospital. s0o blo0dy depreSsing. i hugged her. ignored everyone. and then my dad spilled the news. that my mum was diagnosed as having cancer of the appendix. CANCER?? i thought it was just a tumor!! CANCER!! CANCER!! CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

to be continued. i have to go. shite. i’ll tell you the rest of the story later. please be patient.

0oy yea. 0oy yea. im going back to malaysia!!

saturday malam. SATURDAY MALAM?? SATURDAY MALAM!! w0oh0o~

STILL TAK PERCAYA!!

huwaaaaaaaa~ im s0o s0o s0o haPpy!!

s0o anyone kat England nih, nak pesan apa-apa ker?? (here is a LIVING PROOF that im quite nice!!). lollypop malaysia?? magazine malaysia?? buku malaysia?? susu dari malaysia?? angin malaysia??(umm, not sure about this). oh no, jangan ada yang gatal-gatal nak pesan durian/cili kering/tempoyak/budu(?)/ikan masin/petai/ikan kering/udang kering sudah!!(ahem*. while here is a proof that im not that nice AFTER ALL!! huahua).

its just that i dont want some dog sniffing my bag as s0on as i touch down at heathrow. cos that would be seriously bummer!! ada satu hal nak samak pulak. aisHHHH*

also, im travelling alone. last time tak apa lah. i was a young traveller. setengah jam sekali, ada jer stewardess datang tanya khabar. aWww, this tima tak ada. cHittt*.

kejap-kejap nanti sambung balik. mengantuk lar. satu malam tak tidur.

REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDNT HAVE ADDED ME IN THE FIRST PLACE:

1) like i said in my profile, im highly sarcastic. tapi sarcastic bertempat. helo0, i dont laZer-laZer orang pakai sedap mulut saja. tolong sikit~!

2) i think alot and i talk alot. and when i i think alot and i talk alot, but there is no people to talk to and to share my ideas, i write it in my blog. and when i write something in my blog, a message get sent to EVERYONE on my friendster list. the majority of you would like to kill me and cut me to pieces for updating my blog a gaZzilion time a month, coz they get a gaZzilion reminder for that. 0owh im sorry!

3) im crazy and i do crazy fun stuff with my not-so-crazy friends. have you seen that picture when i got stuck on a tree? well, THAT was funny!

4) im not pretty. its natural that if youre clever, youre not g0od lo0king and if youre g0od lo0king, youre not that clever, right? owh wait…i dont have both! aisHHHH*.

5) i sux at conversing in english. i have to translate from english-malay-atiQah’s own made up words. thats how my system works. s0o thats why i always go "what??", "HUH??" or "i beg your pardoooon", those are just tactics to buy me some time so that im able to construct my next sentence!

6) im weird. you wouldnt want to walk with me if im wearing my bright pink jacket or green jumper or white cowboy b0ots or green strawberry laced shoes or…

7) recently i caught the VAIN BUG! eyh ala, i have a perfect explanation lah, i dont have ANY picture of myself, so i thought i might take some, is that wrong one?

and THE ONLY 4 REASONS WHY YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE OF ADDING ME ARE:

1) on top of all the drama, im actually quite nice. especially if you treat me with caramel fraPpucCino.

2) im a VERY GOOD listener(go and ask my best friends!).

3) i write "interesting blog"(quote from numer0us people–ahaha i got fans! w0o h0o~ life is g0od).

4) im a great c0ok cause i was born by a great great c0ok(my ibu) who was born by a super great great c0ok(my wan) who was born by a super duper great great c0ok(my nenek).

NB: my nenek(who is actually my moyang, tapi panggil nenek) makes MEAN kuih! wah, tak sabar nak balik malaysia!

PS: if we are family, both set of rules does not apply to you. you are stuck with me FOREVER! muahahaRR~